The topic of whether dating someone with children was for me or not, has always been heavily present. Perhaps, it’s because for a long time I’d decided that there was absolutely no way I would date a single mother. But why did I feel this way considering I have a daughter? (maybe because she’s already 23 years old) I was about to do some real soul searching…
I first wondered if I was among only a few men who felt that way. Simply a man that preferred a woman that had no children at all. How unique was it? Was I being an Asshole by feeling this way? I know why I felt this way, but turning 40 came with many decisions that needed to be made. And I had to arrive at some conclusion and have some final clarity on the matter.
I mostly always resisted and passed on a woman with kid/s because of these reasons:
I wanted to avoid any potential Daddy Drama – I didn’t want to deal with those common issues with the ex-boyfriend or husband, e.g. schedule conflicts, financial, or etc.
I figured that a woman with kid/s would not have the amount of quality time to devote to me & the relationship – And in all fairness, I do require a significant amount of time and attention. Not to mention I love traveling and I do it quite often. I envisioned constantly having to put off travel, events, and activities because ‘she’ had the kid/s that weekend or related complications.
I didn’t want to get into the situation to help raise children that weren’t mine. I didn’t want to go through the whole “but you’re not my dad thing” when they didn’t agree with a decision that we made in the household. I also wasn’t thrilled about financially contributing to a kid/s that simply was another man’s.
Those were my solid 3 reasons for not wanting to get involved with someone with children. My thought process is that I must be happy & anything that will not make me happy, does not belong in my life. And so I’ve had just 2 options:
Option 1 – Give in & date someone with a child.
Option 2 – Date someone without a child (possibly younger) and have a child with them.
What should I do? What is the right move for me? Well, I was putting myself under immense pressure for no reason at all. I had forgotten that greater than my plan was God’s plan. If his plan was to have me become some positive role model by way of being a step father to a great kid, then I accept. In the same light, if the good lord wanted me to have another child of my own, I also accept.
See, we are great but there is greater. And we can plot and plan all day and all night but at the end, his will shall be done. So, my decision is that if it’s real love & and she has the time & devotion for a relationship, then I am willing. If I fall in love with a younger woman that does not have children and loves me, and things are as they should be, then I am willing.
At the end, love can’t be in tangled in rules & guidelines. It simply must be pursued and protected. Make no mistake, happiness is everything and anyone who is not happy in their relationship should either work it out or get the bags packed. What I’m saying is that is if the person does their part to be a great partner, then- kids or not, I’ll do my part to be their equal.